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Trigger events

It's crazy to think how the Oprah interview with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex (Harry and Megan)  would TRIGGER such terrible emotions and  deep wounds that took years to overcome  (still not fully overcome)  from a relationship that ended over 20 years ago.   The pain that I dealt with and the belittling feeling I had was thrown in my face with the force of getting hit by a ton of bricks after hearing that interview.  

But Hey,  time heals wounds and life goes on until some sort of triggering event takes place.  The Oprah interview with the former Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Harry and Meghan  and the issues that they face with racism and their children was my trigger.   

“There were “concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born” from members of the royal family, Meghan said to a flabbergasted Oprah early on in the two-hour interview. “

Boom all sorts of painful emotions flooded my thoughts.  The feelings of not being acceptable to your parents because the color of my skin.   Your mother was so disappointed with the idea of of us having children.  She said something like if you were to have children they would be brown.   I remember when you told me this and how disappointed the both of us were.

If I only had the knowledge of how the racial rejection would effect me especially after we broke up I could have avoided all of this feeling of having little worth after everything was done.  In the real I probably would have taken the same exact path.  At that time I was tired of others dictating my life and not having my interests involved.  Who's to say maybe things might have been different if I confronted your parents on what they said and their beliefs.    Imagine if it was current time and they got called out for this, how different things would be.  They might not have even have said anything considering the scorn they could feel since we live in a “woke” time of life.  Even if they didn't say anything we both know how they would feel.  They would be disgusted with having brown grandchildren.  

Besides opening up the door for a lack of self worth another issue that was never finished  was closure.   I was never able to get the closure I deserved or answers to some serious questions that I needed and deserve.  So without those answers from you and the strange points you said about our relationship the few times we spoke after I moved to Orange County, I was broken.   

It was extremely difficult to deal with the fact that because of my skin color it wasn't acceptable to date their daughter.   What a powerful reason not to like a person.   Color over rides the quality of a person, what they could provide for a person, how they will treat a person.  No time to find out about a person if they don't have the same color skin as the person they want to be with.  Regardless if I wasn't good or if I didn't treat you right I was never given these opportunities before negative judement was placed upon me for no wrong doing on my end but just because the color of my skin.  

Part 1  finished.   soon to be updated:  

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